IM BACCCCCK!

oh my God it has been too too too long since I wrote a post. I MISSS THIS! I miss babbling on and complaining about my terrible life aha :')! i am really really SORRY for not paying attention to this blog - it has been a crazy couple of weeks and I have been enjoying every single bit of it.
Expect this blog to be a really big one since i am going to tell you guys about eveerything that has happened over the last couple of weeks. ahh goodness where to start?!?! there is just so muchhhh! i have had a roller coaster of emotions, and i have had some of the best adventures and experiences with people that I ADORE. okayy so lets start with PROM. at first i wasnt that keen on going to prom - well i mean i was at first because ella ( best fwend) was supposed to come but a bunch of my other friends had decided that they didnt want to go to prom and they were going to do something else when prom was going on. so one of my friends aqsa decided that she was going to have all of the girls over her house and they would all hang out - for some reason that didn't happen. by then my mum had made me change my mind and persuaded me to go to prom  - at first i was really mad because it made me angry that i was going to prom by myself - my mum was like forcing it on me?! well none of my other friends were going so of course i dont want to go either, i dont want to go there having a terrible and boring time because no one of my other friends were there. so i went around several shops with her and I finally bought a dress which i thought was decent  - i didnt really bother because it wasnt that important to me at that time - considering that fact that i was still mad at my mum for persuading me to. not to mention a week before prom so everyone had bought their dressed shoes and everything and i still havent found a dress. i really didnt want to go at all. ( I  JUST OPENED MY WINDOW RIGHT OPEN BECAUSE IT IS SO HOT IN MY ROOM NOT TO MENTION I JUST HAD A CUP OF TEA) annnnnywaaay so then i bought a dress and all in all it went well - i ended up going to prom and having a brilliant time although it would have been more fun if my close friends were coming but they didnt want to. the music was hilarious but the food was disgusting. they went all posh and decided that we would have some gross food to be honest i would have been fine with a bucket of KFC chicken - but nooooooo. and then AMERICA came along it was the most amazing time of my life. it was the most beautiful country in the whole wide world - the people are so friendly and nice and everything you could ever want was there! i am so going to live there. i went to Vegas,Utah Arizona and LA. beautiful places. i got to meet and become friends with an amazing amount of people, its something that i am goingi to always remember for the rest of my life. i went to ST davids for my open day and it was ok. im looking forward to going there in september there were a lot of hotties. aha :L
i really should be going to sleep i have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.
p xx

FMYLIFE.

lol. i dont even know why i am writing on here, its pointless and its not going to make any senses what so ever. these couple of days have been so stressful and hard and sad and worrying and angry and just a mixture of all my stupid emotions put together. i dont even know how i should feel. me and my mum got in a HUGE im not even exaggerating HUGE. MASSIVE. argument because of something that is happening with my passport. basically as i have wrote before i am leaving for america in 9 days, and two days ago my stupid mother decided that she was going to put heat protector in the same draw as my passport, it then was leaking and my whole passport is ruined. this means that i am now going to be paying 150 pounds for a new one, that i will get on thursday. she was trying to blame it on me, HOW? how is it my fault?! my passport has been there forever how can you be so fucking stupid and put heat protector in the same stupid draw. i am so angry and mad right now i dont know what to do with myself. today in the sociology exam i was trying to smile and be confident but it was so hard, i felt like tearing the paper apart and start crying my eyes out. half way through the exam i was tearing up and i think one of the boys next to me could see, it was so embarressing but i could not help it what so ever .habbiba was talking to me, and making sure i was Ok which was so sweet of her, walkign to school with her today i was ranting a little bit which helped. I just wish my mum would see that its not my fault, its her fault - i understand that she is my  mother but why are you going through my stuff, its an invasion of privacy, the only privacy I have. Secondly why on earth would you put HEAT PROTECTOR in my document drawer. and then you are blaiming me?! why cant she see it in my point of view instead of being so big headed and rude to me. she hasnt spoken or even looked at me ever since the argument, tomorrow im going shopping for shoes for prom and getting my eyebrows done, something that i should be doing with my mum. i didnt even want to go to prom anymore but i was kinda of convinced by her because she knows my sister would never go, she wanted at least one of her daughters to go to prom as a way to remember high school. the thing that hurt the MOST is when she told my sister that she doesnt even care if i look good for prom, it doesnt mean anything to her anymore. after she said that I could not stop crying. i sound and look pathetic but can you blaim me? this is my mother i am talking about, a person who has brought me up in the world and has raised me, why is she being so rude and horrible. I FEEL LIKE IM MOANING AND SOUNDING LIKE AN IDIOT, SO IM GOING TO SHUT UP AND GO HIDE IN MY ROOM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. GR8

summer

The more i think about the summer, the more excited I get. cannot wait to get these stupid exams over and done with, im going america, im spending the summer with my friends, and i am going thailand. what more could a person want? im really in the mood to be talking right now, just because it gives me a reason not to revise for sociology tomorrow. 
 

dont try and be something your not.

it pisses me off so much when people act like something they're not. show your own personality. dont copy others. 
- it just makes a person ugly.

this is has just become a pointless hobby

to be honest I actually have no idea why I bother writing on here. at first it was like a place for me, my thoughts and shit. but now i just cant be bothered, i dont know whether its because of exams or the fact that I am spending so much time having fun with my friends, but blogger has become dull and boring for me. I want to write about something which is really interesting not just writing about my personal life and what I do on a daily basis. Because i really dont like that, i mean why would someone come on my blog and want to read about my life and what I do everyday, im sure they would much rather prefer if I wrote about something that has a meaning, a kind of parable i guess. meeh i dont know, im so tired and stressed, and confused. my school yet again have decided to fuck up my exam times, i dont know what time my exams start at all, and the teachers are no help at all, all they seem to do is make me more and more confused. I CANNOT WAIT to get out of that shit hole, goodbye everything and everyone. Everyday when i walk into school for my exams, the feeling at looking at Cathays just makes me bored. its the most dull and boring place ever, the people (my friends) are the only exciting thing about it. to be honest it looks more like a prison cell. I got my camera back which feels amazing, they have cleaned it properly and gave me a new lense, so i was a very happy bunny. I have to go back to revising I.C.T and Sociology and Media. aaaaaaaaaagh some one kill me now?
 

so stressed

I have two maths exams, a history, welsh and R.E and science this week and i am not ready at all! espically for maths and science, im freaking out because i know im going to to bad and be so upset on results day, ive revised and revised but some of the things on there are so hard. and i am going camping in a few hours which means i have to spend my whole time revising and not enjoying myself, which is going to be so hard.
AHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO D:!

dating but nothing serious

im not usually the type of person to go on dates and not be in a relationship with someone, i dont know why thats just how it has always been. but two days ago i went out with this guy that i met at a party, he was so so so lovely and  sweet, not to mention generous. we went out, he paid - something a guy must must must do on the first date. it was so nice, he got along very very well it was just like another guy friend. its really gutting because nothing can ever really happen between us since hes moving to mexico because his dad is an ambassedor. meeeh. it was like one the things you would see in a movie, and its so sad when it actually happens to you. im off camping with my friend yasmin and our familys, were going to the breacons for a couple of days which should be really nice, although i have to spend my time revising for maths and history, :( meeeeeeeeeeh

i wish

after spending the whole day watching the only way is essex and made in chelsea, i would love it if i lived like them. I know most of the things they do and say is for the tv but it looks like so much fucking fun. I WANT TO DO THAT!  I spent the whole day revising which is was so so good, and then went for some body treatement which i am not going to mention. my parents had a little to much wine with their dinner which now means that my dad is drunk singing in the kitchen to the smiths. ahh i love morrissey but my dad singing along with him makes me want to commit suicide. tomorrow i am going to spend the whole day at the library and have drinks with ella at TGI. I remember we went there when were on work experiance and to go back would be so amazing, I am going to persuade the others to come along as well. just the thought of being able to drive and being able to drink in the pub legally excites me, and the fact that I go to the supermarket and come home and drink wine and it would be totally legal. Today after doing about 2 hours of revision I went downstairs got my self a glass of Shiraz and sat in the garden, all by my self. no one was home, so I was just talking to myself looking like a weirdo, it as was so nice to have a good catch up with myself. this sounds selfish but i like to pay a lot of attention to myself, just because I don't want to let things bother me and if they do bother me then i have like a depressive month, which takes the fucking piss, because everything seems to annoy me and all i want to do is stay home and eat. I have the feeling that I am going to be obese one day, seriously, not even joking right now. I eat so so much, i am going to start going to the gym and carrying on swimming a lot, i just wish someone would come with me - it would make the whole thing so much more fun and exciting. I am blabbing on way to much,
goodbye.

made in chelsea

my favourite show at the moment 

addicted to the 50's

as most of you would have probably noticed by now i decided to change the background of my blog - i changed it from little firework thingy's to poka a dots. i dont know why i am so obsessed with the 50's right now, their fashion, their youth , their style everything was so much different and so much better. I wish I could live in the 50's, I would fit right in. the whole era just looks so cute and fun, unlike living right now. ive looked around for some 50's inspired bikinis and swimsuits just because when I go to America in 31 days I want something i feel comfertable and sexy in, something that shows my personality. I looked around for some with cup cakes on it and some with poka dots but nothing. the bad thing is that I am a DD cup but i have the smallest weist possible, 32cm :(! uuuugh its such a pain looking for bra's because their either too big or too small.
okay why am i talking about this? this is what revising biology has led me to! who cares about osmosis or whatever, i just want my grades and leave, goodbye. but then the thought of a levels and uni frightens me so much but in a a good way, im excited to learn more and become more independant I guess. me and ella are probably going to birmingham on friday for FOREVER21. WOOP WOOP!
i should probably get myself some more coffee because i am falling asleep even  by looking at these books. wish me luck.

ollllla

like my spanish title? it means hello, but im pretty sure you guys already know that. 

AAAAAAH GAWD it feels good to be typing again and posting again, its like sex. well not its nothing like that but ya get my drift. I have been so busy with exams, they have actually taken over my life, i miss my freedom and being able to have lazy days and not have to think about anything - but ever since they had to create exams i have had to say goodbye to all of that. so much has happened i dont even know where to begin to write, first of all i would like to say that I MISS YOU! yes blogger, I MISSED IT EVER SO MUCH! I was resisting to go on it this whole time but tonight I finally gave in, and let me tell you it - it feels GR8. text writing - feeling gangster.
i am using my stupid computer because my laptop is broken, technology hates me right now. this week i have had to say goodbye to by beloved Camera, untill it gets fixed, my laptop has fucked up, and my phone decided to bail on me. what else could go fucking wrong? sorry for the language, i guess i swear a lot but i cant help it. hopefully when i get my grades for gcse then my parent will buy me a MAC. no not the makeup silly's the laptop of course.
its getting really late and i want to wake up early tomorrow morning which means i have to say goodbye to blogger and hello to my bed and ipod. mm looks so beautiful. 

im off to sleep, missed you guys a lot, but dont worry i am back 

GOODNIGHT HOES AND BITCHES

in love with this right at the moment

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<3

revising in my pj's. cheeky

what my blog is about

my blog is a mixture of everything, but mainly it is a place for me, for my thoughts, for my feelings and for the things that happen to me everyday. I write about something that I want to, my blog is a way of expressing myself. I don't really do 'beauty' blogs just because its my not really my thing, I don't think you can show people how to be beautiful because I like to think we are all beautiful in our own way. Of course I am not saying that beauty blogs are bad, but its just not my thing I guess. 

   I'm still in my PJ's at its 11. I cannot be bothered to get up, its my parents anniversary tomorrow and I do not have a clue what to get them. I had to help my dad pick something out for my mum because he's not very good at shopping. i need to go some R.E revision because my exam is tomorrow. wish me luccck

yes.

about to burst with happiness

Right now I am the happiest person in the whole wide world. seriously, no one can reach the level of my happiness, its brilliant! Today I want to town with my mum, looking for stuff to wear for presentation evening. After visiting so many stores I finally found something and I am really excited to wear it. I also bought a lot of jewellery  and shoes, and two tops from republic and a bikini from Hollister. Oh and  I went to paper chase and bought a massive piece of black card for my form tutor, I plan on printing pictures of the whole class and sticking it on, like a massive collage, and then I am going to get my form class to sign the back. I know it sounds cheesy and all but I really love Mrs Murray, she has been my school mother<3! whenever me and ella are upset we just go to her and she talks with us, I feel like ella is my sister and Mrs murray is my mother. it's going to be so weird going to college not being in all my lessons with Ella. I'm going to miss her so so so so much, even though we're going to be seeing each other all of the time, but still. From the very first day that I came to cathays, me and her have been in all the same lessons, well except P.E! I have grown up with that girl, it feels like a massive chunk of me is all my memories with that girl. okay this is getting even more cheasier by the minute. ahh im so just excited because all of my brilliant friends have got in, every single one of them! SO EXCITED! FOR COLLAGE,FOR AMERICA,FOR SUMMER,FOR CLOTHES!!!!

:(

I miss ed. 

I miss ED

I miss ED

I MISS ED

I MISS ED

I MISS ED

I MISS ED

I MISS ED

I MISS ED

I MISS ED!

feelings

wow, okay so i just noticed that I have over 2.000 views which is amazing, thank you guys, it means that someone out there is reading my stupid blog. being in the middle of GCSE's I feel like I never have any time for myself or others, I'm either in an exam, or in the library. I hate to admit this but i really do miss school, the old times though when everyone attempted to get along with each other for the sake of others. OK I'm getting off the track here, but like i was saying, I never have any pardo time. you may ask, what is pardo time? WELL pardo time is when I spend the whole day or a very long time just looking at funny stuff and laughing, whether it being pictures, or videos or just remembering things, I spend the whole day making myself feel better. and right now i feel like I haven't done that in such a long time! and my whole feelings just get muddled up, everybody thinks that I am the sort of person that doesn't need cheering up, that I'm just a happy bunny all the time. and it is true because I am always am a happy bunny but i also need some time to myself. better get back to revision. I promise the day that I finish my GCSE'S i will come on blogger and write the biggest post anyone has ever scene, that is a promise<3

i HAVE GOT INTO ST DAVIDS

GOODBYE CATHAYS.HELLO ST DAVIDS!

10 things I hate about guys

1.If he doesn't pay on the first day 

2.He lies 

3.He cheats 

4.He's clingy 

5.He tells me he loves me, when I know he doesn't.

6.If he doesn't pay attention to the little things that matter

7.Forgetting important dates 

8.Not willing to make an effort with my friends. 

9.Not willing to make an effort with his looks and manners. 

10.Acting differently around his friends. 

maturing into a young adult

listening to Hannah Montana just shows how much I have matured since I was 13.  I used to love this, everyday I would rush home to watch her show. well to be honest I watched all her shows up untill this year when they finished. I'm not going to lie I LOVE DISNEY CHANNEL! I grew up watching their shows, whether it being Thats So Raven, Lizzie Mcguire, Hannah Montana, Sonny with a chance, Wizards of Waverly Place, the suite life of zac and cody. the whole lot. its weird because these shows helped with so many things, like making friends, guys, secrets so much more. they are a massive part of who I am right now. I owe it to all these guys. they have matured me, in way I cannot begin to explain. 

thank you

california king bed

this song is so awhhhh for me. its weird because at one point in my past relationship I felt like this, so apart from him, we would hardly ever speak. of course I don't own a california king bed but as soon as I heard this song, I started to tear up. awh <3 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knVXz4JhDtk

i am not depressed

this is seriously starting to piss me off, how many times people, i am not depressed! I AM NOT DEPRESSSED! just because i am happy in school and sad at home does not make me depressed, i just hide my emotions. there have been a couple of posts from this year which make me look really emotional and stuff, but depressed? c'mon seriously. and the worst thing is people think I put it on, if i wanted to put it on i would make it obvious that I am upset, not hide it away from everyone. argh! i keep getting these anon messages saying i need to get help! HELP FOR WHAT?! I AM NOT DEPRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED!

AMERICA!

I'm so so so excited! its getting more closer to going America with two of my best friends. Me and my friend ella we're going to go to forever21 and then wagmama, I'm so excited because if i chose something that I like but it doesn't suit me then she is there to help me chose another one. and the main part of going on holiday is spending time shopping with your friend, i'm really really excited to eat wagmama though, if thats how you spell it, I'm not sure, its supposed to be amazing food. BUZZZZZZING! we've planned out everything, we have to meet hot life guards in america and make them fall in love with us har haaaaar! if only it were really like that, sorry if i am babbling on about my social life, i know it bores me when I read someones blog and all they talk about is how their so this and that, to be its just like make it private, no one wants to read these things. I wish louise could come to forever21 she would enjoy it so so so much! and we can take her to wagmama and everything, it doesn't feel right without her, she's going to miss out on amazing fun, but i have a plan. I am going to capture her, in my bagpack and take her to birmingham with me, shh its top secret. okay so now i know what you guys are thinking, wow is this girl high? and yes I am, I am high of excitement and joy, something other than sadness and shit because I have seriously too much of that inside me. hehe i bought new pj's from marks and spencers and it is so softtt! I shall take a picture and show you guys.
wish me luck for my exam tomorrrrrow <3

hurry up St Davids

hopefully our acceptant letter will soon be in the post for St Davids hopefully HOPEFULLY I would have got in so I don't need to stay at my dread High School six form. I don't understand why someone would actually would want to stay there as their first choice, its horrible! not to mention the idiotic teachers there. argh just thinking about staying there pisses me off so bad! I need to get into St Davids, I HAVE TO! right now I am watching beastly which to be honest is a really bad movie,I would have thought it would have been a bit more interesting but it seriously isn't. my hollister stuff is taking such a long time to arrive, it really should be here tomorrow, and my urban decay eye shadow set also. i have so many things to wait for :B! 
  i need to pee but I cannot be bothered.

my best fwend looks like selena gomez

seriously. am i the only person that see's this?! they look so so so alike!

blogger mess

Man it feels weird to be writing a post that doesn't really mean anything to me, but I thought I would let you guys know something. recently there has been some chaos about posts that when people find out out they are upset about, this is about me by the way. just in saying in general, of course I am not going to name anyone or any blog because I don't really do that. 
  the thing that I like about my blog is that I don't mention people on here, I won't say anything that might offend people. which is why my blog has never been a problem for myself or others that are reading it. I just think that by naming people I come across as a bitch - and I don't really want that. HOWEVER if you have ever read my blog and think that I have published something that has hurt your feelings, firstly I would like to say that I am sorry because I wasn't aware of it and I am sure I wouldn't want someone to do that with me and secondly I would like you to tell me because I can then say sorry in person but to actually give you to sort it out, meaning that i will delete the post. 


 i am sorry for not posting a lot, i have been caught up with a lot of revision. post soon i promise xxx

I miss two hours of drama today because I really wasn't in the mood for reading and anaylising

I don't want people's sympathy,I want their support

I don't want people's sympathy,I want their support

I'm not what you think I am

please please please take the time to get to know and understand me as a person before you make such a clear judgement of me. I am not angry at anyone or anything, I just wish that people would take time and listen to what I have to say sometimes, instead of listening to him and making a judgement based on the lies, and horrible stuff he has said about me. 
I AM NOT THAT TYPE OF PERSON! I DO NOT HATE ANYONE OR ANYTHING! I AM NOT A SLUT! I AM NOT A HATER! urrrrgh! I had to come online for once and find this all written about me, why?! I understand that they are his friends but listen to what I have to say before you make your mind up. this makes me want to cry. 


is it just me or do I seriously sound depressed? I wish someone would actually pay attention to what I have to say. I just read that one of the people that I was really really close to thinks I hate her. I don't hate her one bit, not one bit.  I just wish people would understand that I do not hate them, not one bit. i'm falling a p a r t 

havent posted in such a long time

I havent had time for blogger for such a long time. this weekend has been hectic, yasmins house party last night was amaaazing! met so many people that go to her college, it was so nice meeting them, really nice people not to mention hilarious! it just makes leaving cathays so much easier 

posing with my krispy kreme hat like any girl would

I LOVE SAYDA HASSAN! 

writing challenge part 5 *write about your feelings towards someone'

I'm not going to write about my feelings 'relationship wise' for someone, simply because they told me that they don't want it published, which is fine. 

so instead im going to write about my feelings towards someone who apprantly hates the living guts out of me. 

' I don't actually know how to feel towards you, you have actually made me so upset for such a long time that I'm probably going to always remember this. the rumours you made up, the hurtful things that you were telling me, everything. you have turned me into this little miserable bunny - not a very nice feeling. to be honest I don't know what I have done to you, at all! You don't know me as a person, and for all that I know I have never ever done anything to upset you, at all. so why do this all to me? why hate me for no apprant reason? I'm sick and tired of people like you making me feel bad about myself, I feel like shit literally all of the time, worthless shit. I don't hate you, not one bit! I could never hate you, simply because I don't know you that well. but the things that you have said about me were just vile. at one point my parents actually thought it was the truth. so thank you for that. I have kept this whole thing a secret, I have told no one anything about anyone, especially you. but there you are aiming status at me, very nice. people are going to think that I am hypocrite because I am writing this and aiming at you, but at these type of situations I don't care about what people think of me. I try and try and try and try to put this all in the past, but whenever I'm in lesson I tend to wonder what on earth have I done to treat this? its okay though, because I'm not a person to hold a grudge, its fine. I don't believe in Karma or whatever, but I hope that you will never have to face the hurt that I did and still do, im not that cruel. 

bye. 

i'm fine

yup its fine. she's better than me. she's prettier than me. she's not weird like me. she's older than me. she's more interesting than me, forget that you once 
liked me. be with her. its cool. im cool. its all good. 

writing challenge part 4 *write a letter to anyone*

I am going to be writing a letter to Ed Westwick. yes the man of my dreams 

Dear Ed, 

   this is kind of stupid because your never ever ever going to see this but I'm just going to write one anyway just so you know that I loved you. first of all I cannot believe that you went out with Jessica. WHY ED WHY?! you know how much I dislike her. She's let fame and fourtune get to her head not to mention the fact that she was ractist, why would you ever go out with someone like that? i'm writing, in bedroom, in Wales listening to the Clash. I wish you would come to tour the UK with your band, I would run to your gigs when you Come to Cardiff. lmfao well this is a bit weird. 

I really need your help

Okay so as a part of my Media work me and my friends have to create a fan like page on facebook and get as many likes as we possibly can! I know that most of you have facebook so if you could like the page and send it to your friends I WOULD APPRECIATE IT SO SO SO SO MUCH! i know that not a lot of people read my blog but the ones that do read it and even comment and say how much they enjoy reading my blog, it makes my whole world so much nicer and happier! not to mention that when I write something and you guys think I'm upset some of you email me, its the nicest thing ever! I am so grateful for the small bunch of people that read my blog! so I will post the link of the webpage below, be sure to like and send it to your friends ;D! 
love every single of you xxxxxxxxx
(actually I will post it later because I don't think it has been made yet) 

man of my dreams

writing challenge part 4 *rant about anything*

haha well that should be easy since I seem to rant and moan to myself all the time, in my head obviously, I tend to keep things like this to myself just because I don't want others to think of me as a moody person. rant rant rant thinking about it I don't know what I should talk about, there are so many possibilties. 

ah! I've got one. I'm not going name anyone because its kind of a private thing. so here it goes 

- arfgharkjhfs! i hate it when someone tells you something and then do something stupid just to show how much of an idiot they are, and just when I thought he had changed. Of course he hasn't. dont be so stupid pardis, your so gullible seriously. It's not my fault - I am easily persuaded by anyone or anything, just a minute ago I opened a whole box of chocolates that I was meant to give to my dad as a thank you gift for listening to my problems. but my tempatation caused me to eat it ;) so yes. as I was saying, he told me that he still loved me and how I was the only girl on his mind. hmm well that's odd because 3 days after it your in a relationship with someone else. seriously!!! I don't even care because I don't have any feelings for you anymore, we were done 2 years ago, done and dusted. I only started speaking to you because I thought you had actually changed and wanted to give this 'friend' thing a chance, but you've ruined it all. well not all, I'm not going to not speak to you, but there is no way in helllll the next time you tell me you have feelings for me am I going to be nice about it, I'm going to be the biggest bitch ever. actually no I'm not, I couldn't imagine myself making someone feel so horrible. I'm not bothered by the fact that your in a relationship, I'm bothered by the fact that for some reason I believed you. the person that I have feelings for is 100000000000000000000000 times better than you, he's honest, and nice, funny not to mention his love for The Smiths. should I rant a little more about the fact that I want you hit you in the face when I see you, but I can't since I'm the weakest person ever! 

sorry for not being perfect

urgh. what is it with me and feeling crap these days? its non stop feeling like shit all the time, why pardis? WHY?! - hmm well let me start. Right now I feel like A LOT of people hate me, not just dislike me but purely hate me. I mean I would understand if I had done something wrong to them but most of them just hate   me based on the things that have been said about me. people listen to them, non of them are true, they're all stupid little rumours that are ruining my last year in high school. I had three hours of drama and I felt so lonely, everyone has their group of friends and I'm just there. I feel like I'm interrupting them if I speak so I tend to just keep to myself and go with the flow, they are all lovely people though which is nice ^.^ 

I feel like I have this 'portrait' of people expectings girls like me to look perfect and when they do see me its like - ew. well yes I agree I'm not that most good looking person in the whole of the school but its just mean when they say it to  your face, i feel so ugly and my whole confidence is put down. I always try and say to myself that I'm not going to let people's comments bring me down but wahay I still manage to feel like crap. I really want to talk to someone but I don't know who. maybe after I have finished some revision I will have a quick look at facebook to see what's occurin'. 

I missss arnisssssa :(!

pictures that I steal from Mrs google.com

I would love to take a picture like this

summer so sooooon

the O.C - favourite ever TV SHOW 

nwaah

writing challenge part 3 - *write a review about anything*

this is so hard because there are so many good things to talk about, from my favourite music bands, to tv programmes etc. but at the moment my obsession is with Gossip Girl. ahh I am in love with that show, ever since season 1 I have loved Ed westwick ( chuck). His British charms and facial hair makes him so attractive, not to mention his beautiful voice. I sound like such a pervert but anyone that watches gossip girl will know what I am talking about. Right now the heat is between blair and serena. I really don't like serena since she always thinks that the whole world revolves around her, I don't like Blake Lively but the character she plays just gets on my last nerves. Dan and Bair need to be together. THEY NEED TO! I have waited such a long time for this and then Blair goes off with the prince, although I know that she will return to chuck because I mean c'mon they were meant for each other. I still really want her to get with Dan, even for a little bit. Gossip girl is just brilliant, the whole idea behind it is so addictive, I watch the promo's about 10 times because I can't wait for the next episode to come online. so addictive, I miss both revision and coursework catching up with this show. The drama, the guys, their clothes, the parties is what a girl like me can only dream off! the clothes are just dreamy, their designers, they guys! the GUYS! some of the hottest people I have ever met in my whole entire life! It's okay Pardis control yourself girl, control yourselff!

another apology

I feel so guilty. I just want to say to whoever who is reading this I want to say that I am sorry, if I have ever mistreated you, lied to you, said something mean about you, anything that I have done physically or verbally to make you feel upset. I just want you to know how deeply sorry I am. 
this is kind of weird to write about, but I was talking to my mum and she made me realise so many things. How I have been so cruel and harsh to people,  I don't know why I do it sometimes maybe because for some reason its the only way I can realise my anger or upsetness? I've kind of been really, not deppressed but just really really down recently, I try not to show it and I think I do a pretty good job but I think that if i'm never going to be upset, or I am never going to talk about it then that anger and sadness is just going to follow and haunt me for a very long time. 
I don't have suicide thoughts or anything serious, but im upset that I start making people feel bad and thats worse than commiting suicide or anything like that. 
sorry for the depressive post guys 

writing challenge part 2 *write a fanficition*

is it only me that is not familiar with this word? I don't know whether it means write a fiction piece or if its just another genre of writing. So I don't think that I'm going to write about it at all, since I really don't want to embaress myself  :]

goodbye everybody :)! I'm sure most of us are still recovering from the royal wedding even though we weren't invited I feel like the whole of Great Britain is tired. I still can't get over how stunning Kate looked! her dress, her makeup! so natural and elegant and STUNNING! goodnight dear readers - i hope I haven't bored you to death xxxxx

Britains Got talent - high light of my Saturday night 

Russel Brand is the luckiest person on the planet

writing challenge part 1 - *write a short autobiography*

Well I've lived in Cardiff my whole entire life, it's kind of boring because nothing really happens here its not a major city like london or new york. However I love it here, its so calm and peaceful and its a place that I truly call my home. I'm 16 :( i feel so old, this sounds stupid because I'm on 16. but still, today im 16 tomorrow im 60! I really like the countryside, I hope to live in the vale when I'm around 50, yes I'm planning ahead. I've grown up living with both my parents and my two siblings, at times its hard to share three bathrooms, one shower and one bath with each other but we schedule and somehow it manages to work out. My parents have brought be up believing morales and dreaming big, they want me to become something one day. I want to be that person that people look up to, someone's inspiration, I want to have changed someone's life. I don't want to be the average girl that I am right now, I want to break out of my shell. Right now I'm at high school, but last year, I hope to go to collage in Cardiff and the University in England. I want to be independant and not lean on my parents for money or their support financially, I want to repay them back some day for all the expensive they have paid me over these past couple of years.  I love listening to Ska and Rock music. ahh I can go on forever about how much I love some bands, but people get automatically bored and don't listen to me. 

I want to get married to a doctor one day around the age of 29. I couldn't imagine getting married any younger, I'm not really thinking of children, maybe 1 or 2, 3 would be pushing it. I like to plan ahead so that my life has a structure. I LOVE ACTING! - ahh watching films and seeing these amazing actors and actresses inspires me in so many ways, I can't even begin to tell you how many of them I adore. My main idiol would have to be Katy Perry! I love that girl, she's such an individual, she has such a different taste and intake in life, I am one of her biggest fans ever! One day I will want to be something like her, have fans. 

that's all I can think of right now

writing challenge

who am I living for?

i'm so sick and tired of believing and trying to follow a religion, at all. I try so hard to please everyone and everything, why? what do I get? all I get is rumours, bitchiness and to be honest things that make me so unhappy. surly I couldn't have done something so bad like this that I get treated this BADLY. I'm not saying that religion is a bad thing, because its not. I myself and my family are christians, but so far it has done me no good. to be honest I don't even though why I'm talking about this. shut up pardis. no one cares 

wedding day fever

I have to admit that I wasn't really looking to the royal wedding because I couldn't really be bothered about it, I thought people were taking it way to seriously and to be honest I didn't understand what the big deal was until today! I was drawn into watching the royal wedding with my mother and sister and all I can say is WOW. it was truly a moment that brought the whole of Great Britain together, proud to be British. Kate looked beautiful, so elegant and simple, her dress, ahh I can go on forever and ever! William looked like a little cutie as usual, and harry also. I wish I could marry harry, I met him once so I'm sure I'm somewhere at the back of his head. 

over all it was such an amazing wedding, truly one the most brilliant times ever, and I am pretty sure most of you guys think so too. 

 CONGRATULATIONS WILLIAM + KATE! 

I'm so sorry

Argh! I feel like I have dedicated my life to anything but blogging, I miss it. usually I'm really dedicated to using my blog, putting up pictures and posting almost three times a day but recently I've been so wrapped up in everything I didn't really have any time. So this is me saying that I am sorry and I will be using my blogger a lot more. 

I have also started using Twitter - 

@yoparadise 

I shall post something very very soon. something exciting 

A brilliant day

Today I spent the whole day with my friends. nwah I have missed them so much, it was amazing to see them all, we went cinema and then food and then we went to the park. i'm really tired and I am deep into my revision so I don't really want to ramble on about it. I will post some of the pictures up tomorrow 

good night everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

10 things that are on my mind right now

1) What am I going to wear tomorrow?
2) I'm excited to see if any of my friends have any physical changes
3) I'm falling for you and im super super scared.
4) I'm so bored, I wish someone could talk to me
5) I think you are such an interesting person, your shy yet confident. so stupid yet so smart.
6)I should really clean my room.
7)I want a bath but I cba.
8)I'm so hungry
9)I want a realllly long phone conversation
10) should i deactivate facebook?

im lonely, I'm bored and I have nothing better to do

                                                      i got married with a haribo ring

                                                I got a heart in-between my eyebrows

08.56 am

This is the earliest I have woken up since the holidays have began, frankly I am knackered but I am determined to get to the library on time, well first of all mcdonalds breakfast and then the library to crack on with some revision. From today my main focus is going to be revision, I've decided that I want to buy a calendar and notepad and pen (a cute one) these are going to be the tools that I should operate for revision. did that sound cool or was it just in my head?
I'm off to get ready because I have to be at the library by 10 - and I live in pontprennau its far away from everything, argh not to mention that I have to get on the dreaded bus. Its so annoying because people are examining my every move. aaahh I can't write anymore time is ticking and I must get ready 
speak to you all later <3 

Sara ♥'s pretty little things + FIRST BLOG AWARD!

right now I AM OVER THE MOOON! this is the best thing that has happened to me since I have started blogging >.< 
the awesome girl that I have been talking about Sara has picked me for a award or something along with two other bloggers. I feel so grateful and well kind of shocked if I'm honest with you. This girl is one of my favourite bloggers ever! and the fact that she even looks at my blog but then picks me for award does not seem real! i entered for her give away but then I was drawn to her blog like a moth to a flame. I LOVE IT! <3 
hii sara if your reading this I just want to say thank you sooo much! this means so much to me and the fact that you picked me is craaazy, so thank you ever so much i hope that maybe one day I can repay the favour some how xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

drink + desperate housewives = happy me

Hmmmmm wine or spirit?
-spirit 

why I started blogging

At first blogging really wasn't my cup of tea, to me it just felt like it was a place where people bitch about others like any other social networking website. However I thought that I would make one to see what all the fuss was about, if I'm honest with you guys when I did first start to blog I felt really uncomfortable and awkward as to what I could and couldn't say. but then I started to write for myself, I started to write about things that mattered to me, it became a place for my thoughts and feelings and a place where I can be totally myself all the time. I don't really like to gossip on my blog, just because I don't want it to be the centre of everyones attention. 
  So yes from the on I have been hocked onto blogger like a fish to a fishing rod. ok that was a very bad example but ya get ma drift. the one thing that has kept me going is that people are actually coming on my blog to read it, it means so so so much that people take their time to read and sometimes comment or email me. its so sweet and caring :)! 
so if your reading this - I just want to tell you how grateful and happy I am because even if my stats increase by 1 it still means so much to me. SO THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY much - if you do have a blog be sure to post in the comment section below - I will be more than happy to take a look. 


loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee from me :D

i loveee him

ola

I'm still in bed when it is 11.46 exactly. i feel knackered even though  I haven't really done anything to consume all of my energy. I was so excited that ella was coming back to Cardiff from dubai but her sister told us that she couldn't get a ticket back :( :( :(!

I miss going on holidays. but this year I'm going Italy and Thailand woop woop. I just need to get away from Cardiff and seeing the same people over and over again, I want to go somewhere where I can experience different cultures, different people, different food, different taste DIFFERENT EVERYTHING! Just once I don't want to be in my comfort zone all the time, I want to meet people that are inspirational. this is going to sound so weird but seeing people be different and outrageous inspires me. ok that was  cheesier than I would want it to be. I go to Italy every single year because my uncle and his italian wife own a vineyard there, I love it there so much. the weather, the guys, the shops everything about it is so wonderful. not to mention that I get to live on a vineyard which is masssssive and there is free wine :} 

I also go to Taiiwan every now and then because my other uncle owns a rice company, to be honest I don't like it there the food is horrible but the clothes and technology is so cheap, probably my favourite part of the holiday. I'm going to go watch gossip girl now because im behind 

wishing you all a very happy tuesday 

watching The Notebook - best romance movie everrr made

hi

louise lawerence

hii louise, sorry if I spelt your surname wrong I was just so excited to write this post. I was just reading her formspring and I noticed that some of the questions she has got are just horrible. She doesn't deserve any of this, she keeps being told that what she writes on her blog is wrong, people its her blog, It what she thinks, what she wants, how she feels. There was this one comment that I saw that said they are going to expose her. the most pathetic thing I have ever heard in my whole entire life. The person that has been writing all of these questions just wants to upset her and make her feel scared. she can write whatever she wants because its her blog and she shouldn't have to make it private because some idiot is threatening her. This just makes me so bloody angry, leave the girl alone, she hasn't done anything to deserve this. stop punishing her for what she has written on her blog, its her blog, its her mind, its her thoughts JUST STOP! I was reading through her blog and I noticed that this was upsetting her, the fact that people take her blog and turn it into something that she never intended for it to be. 


I just want to say louise if you are reading this, I have SO SO much respect for you, you are one the most strongest most brilliant person that I have ever met in my whole entire 16 years of living. you are so strong mentally and physically, you don't deserve any of the things that has been written on your formspring because none of them are true. I know i haven't known you that long but I have so much trust and love for you. tehehehe this is turning out to be such a cheesy post but I don't want anyone to make you feel upset or sad because you don't need it. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

horoscope is right?

I'm not really a superstitious person or whatever but I do read my horoscope. I don't believe in them but I just find it amusing to read something that people think is actually going to happen to them. As I was reading mine today I noticed that some bits of it were actually true. it went something like this ' you're feeling established from a relationship in the past, you keep drawing back to them because your scared to tell the person you like how you feel.' 

that is exactly what is happening to me. I was in shock for a very long time after reading that, its the way I feel and what is actually happening to me. I may not have mentioned this before but one of my ex's Joe, has been starting to speak to me again recently. First of all I was trying to be blunt and to give him the impression that my feelings from him are long gone, I was in a relationship with him around 2 years ago and frankly if I'm honest I am over him, I don't even think about him anymore. But sometimes he randomly on facebook tells me I'm beautiful and How I'm the prettiest girl he has ever been with. When he says that I can't be angry or blunt with him because I feel rude and horrible and he is genially a really nice guy but so I have to say thank you, but in no way does it mean that I have feelings for the boy. I don't know whether that is how he actually feels or its just him being the cheeky/flirty person I know he is. I do care about it and a little bit of me will always love him but I can't let that be the main concern of my life right now. I'm over this whole thing. I was a long time ago, I don't want to it haunt me like it did before, I don't like the person that I became at that time. Talking about this is really hard for me because I don't really have anyone I can talk to properly no one cares, so this is going to be a very long post as you can tell. I think I will always care and love him but in a different way, I just don't want it to affect the person that I actually want to be with at this moment in time. 

I do really really like this guy but I feel like I'm not good enough for him. It's typical for a person like me to say this because I feel like he can do so so much better. At first I didn't really have this kind of feeling towards him but as time went on and I got to know him a little bit better, I was starting to grow really found of him. He told me he liked me but being the idiot that I am, I felt like I was really rude to him and I should have cared more about his feelings. Now that I have this sort of feelings towards him of course its understandable that the guy doesn't even want anything to do with me. I'm not going to say his name because thats just an invasion of privacy and I don't want the whole world to know that its him, I do hope he doesn't read this because I'm just going to come across looking like a creepy weird child. 

I don't know what to say or do or feel. 

stuck in the middle :(

another bunch of random pictures

EASTER SUNDAY :)!

good afternoon peepz, happy easter to every single one of you, once again the weather is brilliant but I'm staying in the whole day. I don't really know what I want to do, I didn't eat that much chocolate either since it kind of makes me feel sick. the one thing im looking forward to today is the fact that ella is coming home :)! im excited to hear about all the things she did in dubai because they're so amusing. a lot of my friends are going to this bbq thing so I can't really ask them to come out because they're already going somewhere. so today i'm just going to stay home and watch the Sarah Jane Adventures. 


happy easter once again :)! 

FIRST EVER VIDEO

Ok so a few weeks ago I promised that I would make videos of me answering your questions, being the idiot that I am I forgot to check my email for a  long time, and last night when I checked I found out that I had 3 questions awaiting me. This is anonymous I promise not to read your email address out if you dont want me to. sorry for the bad quality I am using my laptop and I am sitting in my parent's bathroom cause its warm. I did this last night so therefor I have no makeup on and im in Pj's - do forgive me :D!

send me questions : notthenormalkind@gmail.com

i have nothing to do in this sunny weather but drink boost and vodka

Ok So a couple of days ago i posted a bunch of random pictures of me doing nothing. supervisory you guys enjoyed it so here is a bunch of me on my bed, drinking and making funny faces.

Drinking boost and Vodka

                                                               drinking alone :(

                                                             who cares because it tastes goooood

                                                                 fuck da H@t£R$

                                                          my attempt at being an 'Angry Bird'

failed yet again

in my last post I promised to myself that I would keep away from facebook and blogger right up untill the end of the week. But i really can't help myself I've been so bored that for the last half an hour I've been looking at random Cat pictures on google images, i have such an exciting social life. emm not. I guess that not going on facebook or blogger isnt going to help me get better GCSE grades but revising well. So im not going to limit my options and stay at home all the time reading and revising, im going to out go with my friends and im going use the internet but I am also going to revise. 
  I woke up this morning with a famous hangover from going to Barry last night, even though i promised myself that I wasn't going to get drunk or even tipsy, I ended up peeing with arnissa, walking by the motorway with no shoes, singing and dancing along with habbiba. the only people that got drunk were me, habbiba, matthew,arnissa, and lloyd and we where the only ones having a lot of fun, the others just seemed upset or just not in the mood. I just hope they had a little bit of fun. Here is the picture of us yes we do not look good at all :

lifes good when your drunk 

but overall it was really good fun and im glad that I got to know people better. espcially matthew because before we spoke but we weren't like crazy but he was a lot of fun. And his girlfriend seems lovely, hopefully I will get to meet her one day. I hope. 

I feel that me and arnissa have gotten so much closer, although I feel like I have drifted away from ella and louise and I really don't want that because it feels like im losing them.I know this sounds stupid because they're like my best friends but I can't help but miss them so much. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to ella before she left for dubai - I feel like ive been such a bad friend. I hate feeling like this 

taking a break

I've decided to take a break from blogger and facebook. Just because i really want to do some revision and I feel that I can't do any if i'm constantly posting. So it's good bye blogger untill the end of half term. 

xxxxxx

thank you guys :'D

I just want to say how grateful I am that you guys are reading my blog :)! i received the nicest email from one of you and im going to mention you in my next post. THANK YOU <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I cannot fly 

I do not know Kung Fu

I am not as funny as I think 

I am not a transformer 

I have never had sex with Angelina Jolie - 

Life is not like the movies 

getting ready for the beach tomorrow - I'm so excited :D

If I were a key, where would I hide?

this is the 3rd house key that I have lost this month! I am hopeless, they somehow disappear and its so annoying because I know I haven't lost them but I just can't find them -_- 
  I have seriously looked everywhere in the house but I can't seem to find them, its bugging me because I know when I make a new pair, I will find the other ones. i'm really tired and seriously cannot be bothered to look any more 

Good night you brilliant people :) 

me being stupid : as usual

                                           I bought a new bath bomb today ' Sex bomb'

                                                      it smells good

                                                          let see how it looks like

                                                       its a little cupcake

                                                                  with a flower in the middle

                                                      before i started chocking on it

                                                                    I wonder if it tastes good?

                                                           yup it tastes GREAT -_-

                                             Im so lame I laugh at my own pictures and captions

                                                         hello little creepy child