Sunday, 24 April 2011

horoscope is right?

I'm not really a superstitious person or whatever but I do read my horoscope. I don't believe in them but I just find it amusing to read something that people think is actually going to happen to them. As I was reading mine today I noticed that some bits of it were actually true. it went something like this ' you're feeling established from a relationship in the past, you keep drawing back to them because your scared to tell the person you like how you feel.' 

that is exactly what is happening to me. I was in shock for a very long time after reading that, its the way I feel and what is actually happening to me. I may not have mentioned this before but one of my ex's Joe, has been starting to speak to me again recently. First of all I was trying to be blunt and to give him the impression that my feelings from him are long gone, I was in a relationship with him around 2 years ago and frankly if I'm honest I am over him, I don't even think about him anymore. But sometimes he randomly on facebook tells me I'm beautiful and How I'm the prettiest girl he has ever been with. When he says that I can't be angry or blunt with him because I feel rude and horrible and he is genially a really nice guy but so I have to say thank you, but in no way does it mean that I have feelings for the boy. I don't know whether that is how he actually feels or its just him being the cheeky/flirty person I know he is. I do care about it and a little bit of me will always love him but I can't let that be the main concern of my life right now. I'm over this whole thing. I was a long time ago, I don't want to it haunt me like it did before, I don't like the person that I became at that time. Talking about this is really hard for me because I don't really have anyone I can talk to properly no one cares, so this is going to be a very long post as you can tell. I think I will always care and love him but in a different way, I just don't want it to affect the person that I actually want to be with at this moment in time. 

I do really really like this guy but I feel like I'm not good enough for him. It's typical for a person like me to say this because I feel like he can do so so much better. At first I didn't really have this kind of feeling towards him but as time went on and I got to know him a little bit better, I was starting to grow really found of him. He told me he liked me but being the idiot that I am, I felt like I was really rude to him and I should have cared more about his feelings. Now that I have this sort of feelings towards him of course its understandable that the guy doesn't even want anything to do with me. I'm not going to say his name because thats just an invasion of privacy and I don't want the whole world to know that its him, I do hope he doesn't read this because I'm just going to come across looking like a creepy weird child. 

I don't know what to say or do or feel. 
stuck in the middle :(


  1. aw pardis don't you worry about it :D everything will work out <3