Saturday, 23 March 2013
all grown up
Well isn't this weird..
coming back onto blogger after 2 years? I've kind of missed this if I'm honest. so much has happened. where to start? well first of all im not 15 anymore, im 18.. WOHOOO! exciting stuff.
Ive grown so much, reading back on my old posts i don't even remember the old me. I don't know whether its a good thing or a bad thing.
These past two years have been hectic, I feel like a brand new person -cheesy music-. Ive really grown up and matured as scary as that sounds. I have a feeling that this is going to be an extremely long post. First year of college was crazy. It was probably the saddest/ most negative part of my life so far. I started college thinking that it was going to be amazing, during the summer I had met so many people, I felt like I belonged somewhere. Considering I was from Cathays High School, and no one knew me it sort of went crazy, suddenly people knew of me. At first I enjoyed, I was meeting new friends new connections, people knew who I was. This is was defiantly because I spent the whole summer before it socialising and going to shisha bars, and since cardiff is the smallest place and everyone knows each other i suppose thats how I got to know so many people.
So during the summer I was speaking to this guy not mentioning names. In my eyes then he was amazing, the most kind and considerate person I had come across. So I started seeing him, to my mistake seeing him sort of made me get into a relationship with him. It was so quick and so hectic, I felt like I was trapped, that when he asked me to be his girlfriend I felt like i couldn't say no. Stupid right?!
One night when I met him with and my other friends I ended up catching a taxi home, in the taxi I met this other guy. Instantly I fell for him, as bad as it sounds because obviously at that point I had a boyfriend. After coming home, I couldn't stop thinking about him, for like about 2 weeks he was all I could think about. Not knowing his name, where he was from? how old he was, i just felt attached to him in a weird sort of way. Suddenly one night on facebook my friend uploaded a picture of me, and there he was commenting with friends that they had met me in a taxi.
So then yannow we started speaking, and i soon realised that I was with someone that I had no feelings for. I did not care for him at all, and hearing some of the stuff that he had said about him, well it completely put me off and decided to break things off. I was just so into this guy. Not gonna go into details but i ended up with the new guy ( not naming names). He was amazing, I felt like this was it. This is who i am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Everything with us worked, I felt like we were made for each. he made me feel so safe and secure, like when i was with him nothing in the world mattered. I soon ended up falling out with friends him being part of the reason, and my best friend. Not gonna go into detail because that's something that im really sensitive about.
I was with this guy for about a year, I lost my viriginty to him. To me he was the man that i was supposed to spend the rest of my life. I spent so much time with him and our relationship that i completely failed my exams, something that is not normal for me because im really smart. (not bragging). Thing with me and him didn't work out.
So now here I am, in bed writing this blog. Kind of pointless because no one is going to read it. but i feels nice talking about everything! im finally happy