living for a purpose

Most of my life I've felt like I'm living for something or someone, just so I can have an aim to reach for. Life is hard, I'm not going to lie most of my life has been struggle. Everybody takes me as this weird crazy girl that has no feelings at all, it's quite sad that people judge me just by the way I act, they don't really take the time to get to know me.

Living for a aim/goal is hard, you don't always get the right things in life that can help you presume your dreams. For example exam results I might not have the accurate exam grade that I want to be able to study something that I enjoy in life. Something that's going to take me somewhere. Why would you want to live for something just to find out you can be disappointed later in life. Why not just live life the way it is, take it in every day.

That's the thing about us humans, we always want something, we can never be truly happy with what we've got. Some people might disagree with me on this particular issue however deep down inside they know it's true.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't always have to have a goal or a dream or a plan even, sometimes you've just got to take life as it is, a day a time.

I'm just going to end this with the above cheesy sentence.

independently

It's been a really long day today and to be completely honest I don't really like to rant about how my life is so miserable on blogger. However I just feel like talking, to someone who will actually want to listen to me, and why not talk to the random people that every now and then take a look at my blog.

I've been let down quite a few times and I still pretend to be OK. However this year I feel like I have completely changed some may think for the worst however I feel like this change has been good for me. I'm now understanding how preferentially I am not really trusted by most people, I'm not going to say that this is a bad thing trusting someone is hard and could take a lot of time. However I have noticed that even if I went missing for about 3287462845837... years people still wouldn't notice. Although I try to be happy because its my last year in High School, sometimes I just feel like I want to dissapear and wishing no-one ever knew about me. I sound quite depressed which is normally the opposite of me ( I'm not depressed by the way) I try and be this happy person but sometimes I have my down days, and honestly I feel like people only like me when I'm the crazy happy person, they wouldn't truly care if I wasn't feeling OK.

However I have decided that from now on, I'm going to try this independent thing, that way I know I would have no one to go to when I'm sad or upset, that may seem like a bad thing, but right now I feel like this is the right thing to do. I don't usually swear but I've realised that I don't really give a fuck if people don't like me, I am who I am and I'm never going to change just to please someone.

Well that was one hell of a rant, I should probably go do some media coursework since I'm quiet behind

blergh!

a persons poem;

I would describe myself as being very similar to a poem.

Upon first reading, a poem probably seems pretty standard. A few rhymes here and there, some alliteration, and maybe some sibilance thrown in if you’re getting a bit sophisticated. Just like me. Upon first glance I seem to be pretty average and normal, albeit being shorter than other 15/16 year old girls.

When you read the poem again, you get taken a bit deeper. New ideas, meanings and interpretations pop into your head about the piece. Just like me. When you come up and meet me, you experience my personality and the kind of person I am. Warm, friendly, kind and pretty loud to be honest.

When you separate the poem into stanzas, even more meaning is developed and even more messages are revealed within the poem. Just like me. The second time we meet, you might notice a new aspect of my personality that you didn’t see before. You may learn more and more about me and what I like to do, the way I think and maybe even about my family.

It could take a few times meeting me to realise that this is my true personality. Just like reading a poem.. sometimes you can read it a thousand times before realising its true meaning.

Just like a poem, I am interesting to begin with, difficult and confusing, but once you take the time to understand me, everything will become clear.

11/15/2010

So I have decided that I want to blog daily (if I have the time) about my adventurous lifestyle. It's not really that interesting but I had to say something you keep you guys reading.
Today was something that I would never forget. Little memories that I would probably treasure for the rest of my life. To begin with it was my friend Habbiba's birthday today ( Happy birthday again) and to make it special we all went to McDonald. As we were enjoying our lunch we were also planning our 'prank' to play. We decided that we were going to fake a car with our friends and go through the drive through. We did try this out but unfortunately it did not go as we planned, it was still however a lot of fun.
I might have not mentioned this in the above paragraph however we are in school, so we had to make sure we were back in school on time. On our way back to school, me, ella, habbiba and louise decided that we were going to sing random Hannah Montana songs on our way back to school. As we proceeded through our journey we were accompanied by random bulging eyes staring at us wondering why on earth we were singing so loud. It was really nice to know that we didn't have to worry about anything at the moment, as we were involved everything was alright. This just shows how immature I am, singing loudly at the age of 15/16. Hopefully I won't be acting like this in twenty years time. HOPEFULLY.
To continue the day off, me and my friend Habbiba ( it was her birthday) decided that we were going to give in our college application forms at St Davids. On the way there we had to make a few stops such as tesco, the post office, hallifax. In all these places we couldn't help but laugh at the situation we found ourselves at. So after walking all that way up to the college, we realised that our parents had not signed for the application, which meant that we had wasted all this time for nothing.
Although it was really aggravating we couldn't help but laugh at the situation.
Over all today has been a pretty good day, with memories that I will always remember.
Oh and I promise to write a proper blog with a subject and meaning and stuff by the end of this week. Just been kind of busy with certain issues.
Much love.

The great wall of pardis's bedroom....

Okayy, So I've decided that I want to brighten up my wall with all the the random stuff that I find interesting everday. One of those things are Cardiff Bus Tickets.
Some people might find this weird but I have decided that by the end of my high school year I want to have filled up all my wall with Cardiff Bus Tickets. Hopefully when I grow older and move out to the different places that I want to go, I will always remember being a teenager and filling up my wall with Cardiff Bus Tickets.

I've also started putting up random pictures, magazine covers, the poppie that I wore this year for the rememberance of the soldiers that have fought/are fighting. I have just decided that I am going to put up everything that I have had memories with, to remind of the good old days.
If that doesn't make me sound old, I have no idea what will.
I will for sure put up some pictures to show you all my wall.

I have to go now, but I hope everyone has a goood week at school/work.

much love

realization of the true meaning of life

So I've only just realised how we try and base our everyday lives to make other people happy, although we don't realise it, it still happens. We spend our whole day trying to make other people happy while we might not be in the right state of mind ourselves.

For me, I'm only myself when I'm around my close friends or family, while if I were to talk to a person for the first time, I would have a slight sensation to make them like me. That would consist me laughing at their jokes or trying not to be rude in the way I speak. These are all attribues that lead us into being someone were not.

In my slight weird opinion, we are not being truly ourselves. What is life worth living for if your trying so hard to be someone your not. Surly that can't be right.

The true meaning of life, is being yourself gaining experiance which one can only dream of....

If that wasn't cheesy I don't know what is
much love

long time...

So I feel like I haven't updated my blogger for a long time, not with the hectic math exams and coursework that I've been busy with. However today I decided that I want to commit into writing a blog every week. Although I only have 6 followers, and if you are reading this you will think, well why is she writing every week, its not like anyone's gonna read it. STILL! I feel like I want to do this, just to get away from all the crazy stuff in my life.

I don't really know what to write about, you see normally I just write about certain matters/issues but today I have nothing. So I guess that I will just write a little 'diary'.
This week has been full of memories that I will probably remember for the rest of my life. At first I managed to pull through my two of my math exams, THANK GOD. And this weekend I got to spend time with the people that I love. We all went out for my friends birthday, which was a great way to spend the weekend after the hectic math exams that I am yet babbling on about. However it really was amazing :D.

This is proberly one of the best memories of my time at Cathays High School ever. Our most kind maths teacher ' Ms Morgan' brought us all donoughts and cakes to celebrate the end of our maths exams. It was amazing, we did nothing but eat and play random games.

This is proberly one of the moments in my life which I hope, I will never forget.
Much love.

whats important, where you live or what your living for?

What’s more important, where you live or what you do for a living? What kind of question is that?! They are both as unimportant as each other. Where you live and what you do for a living should not be set as the basis for how someone is judged. What really matters is the way one holds themselves when they walk, the proficiency in which one speaks, and the gentleness of one’s disposition.

Where one lives does not matter in in the slightest. Some of the most successful, talented and kindest people I know live in very average houses in average neighbourhoods, and it does not influence their personality at all. They continue to be the best they can be, pushing on through their struggles and smiling all the while. I know their personalities will stay beautiful even if they move into mansions or a caravan in the middle of nowhere.

Jobs are important in some way as you need one to get through life, but the nature of the work you do is not important. Whether you are a singer, actor, office worker, journalist, novelist or professional athlete, you are still beautiful, talented and SUCCESSFUL.

Never let anyone tell you that you are worth less than them because of where you live and what you do for a living.

i get inspired by The Smiths easily

I really should be revising but for a moment I kind of wanted to write. So I did, although I have to admit I have wrote better things. This is just something I wanted to do to take my mind of some things.

Eat lots and lots of beautiful food. If you really want it, eat it. Go for long, purposeless walks both alone and with people you love. Walking is good for the body and the soul. Laugh at everything and frown at nothing. Know when to put others before yourself. Watch as many good movies as you can. Sing as loud as you want. Go out and learn new things about the world. Make friends. Love wholeheartedly. Try hard at school. Take care of your body, especially your eyes and your teeth, you will need them when you’re older. Trust others without hesitance or you will never learn to love. If you really want something, work hard in order to achieve it. Do one thing every day that scares you. Live with no regrets. Break the rules. Smile at least twice a day, more if you can. Donate to charities when you are able to. Do something you love every day. Tell those close to you that you love them all the time, you may never have another chance. Appreciate and love the beauty of your youth. Compliment people often, and accept compliments graciously. Buy things on impulse, and push away the guilt later. Learn something new every day. If you can afford it, travel a lot. Write meaningful messages in birthday cards. Get rid of toxic people from your life. Live in an apartment, live in a house, live with your friends, live with your partner, live alone. Find a job you love, but never let your life be ruled by it. Don’t judge people on first impressions, they are deeper than that. Don’t be too hard on your parents when you are young, you will understand them one day. Give everyone a chance. Believe in something, that faith will guide you through. Volunteer at a charity. Start a family and love your children with your entire being. Don’t be upset for long when things don’t go your way. Learn from your mistakes. Put your heart and soul into everything you do. Listen to the stories of others and learn all you can from them. Be kinder than necessary. Write a list of things you want to do before you die and ensure they are done. Set goals and stick to them. Be grateful for what you do have and never complain about what you don’t. Remind yourself every day how lucky you are. Finish what you start. Drink endless cups of tea. Surround yourself with beautiful friends and forgive readily. And the most important piece of advice I have, is simply…

Stay true to your morals and beliefs, and live your life for no-one other than yourself. Sometimes it seems like you only exist to try and please everyone else, but remember this is your life. You have the right to live it the way you want to…. But please, please make it worthwhile.I really got inspired from the song of The Smiths, 'Please, Please let me get what I want'

pardis.

I have just realised how much I love Cathays High School. It's fun to be around your friends and to meet new kinds of people everyday but it is not the things we learn that I am drawn to most, it is the fabulous and interesting people that I meet every day. Everybody has a story to tell about themselves (whether it’s interesting or not!) and these stories have given me a wealth of knowledge. Not facts, anyone can learn facts, butknowledge. Wisdom about the world and its inhabitants, about maturity and about being compassionate and empathetic. During these past few years at school, I have developed confidence, maturity and poise but most of all I have learned to be compassionate and understanding.

As I have said many times before, I try and live my life by the quote “Be nicer than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” Although many people talk to you with a smile on their faces, that smile often masks a deep sadness or struggle. Each person who walks into your life is having to deal with something, and a smile could be all they need to take their mind off it.

So next time someone really grumpy ignores your greeting, smile and give them a compliment. They may think you are being insincere by greeting them, especially if you work in a shop, but if you give them a genuine, honest compliment it is sure to brighten their day.

Best Of Both Worlds.

Sometimes I just sit and ask myself; “Was I born in the right era?”

On some days, more often than not after I have been spending time watching Vintage Clothing Fashion shows. I feel as if I should have been born in the 50′s. The days when women were treated with respect and love, and their bodies were praised rather than criticised. The days when the women admired by young girls were naturally pretty, wore tomato-red dresses and had beautiful, voluptuous curves. When hair was higher than the sky, tea & toast was served in abundance and garments patterned with polka dots could be spotted on clothing racks as far as the eye could see. This time appeals to me in a way no other era ever could, but as I sit here typing away on my laptop I feel obliged to state that I also rather love the world we live in now.

All the information I could ever need is just one mouse-click away. Millions of images are at my fingertips within minutes, and I can gain inspiration, tips and guidance from different people all over the world. My writing has developed in unimaginable ways from of the help of others and the internet has helped me gain many opportunities to showcase my pieces. I have been able to study for exams, tests and assessments with accurate and detailed answers right in front of me.

My heart is torn. I am in love with the simpler, more beautiful era but I also like where we are at this point in time. I adore how vintage is coming back into style, as I am able to get a taste of the times I love so much without missing out on the technologies of today.

I think we really have the best of both worlds.

multiple bodies

After a series of unfortunate events recently, I feel compelled to write about friendship. What is friendship? When we are in nursery, our friends are those who have the cool crayons that they are willing to share. Friends are easily made and there is no conflict, no fights and no racism. Love beats all things when you are young. However as we get older our friendships change, and unfortunately they become more serious. We are awoken to the horrors of the world – crime, racism, poverty, injustice.. and this affects everything we do. Our friends are chosen more carefully and we often have issues trusting people. Tiffs are inevitable as personalities clash, but the saddeset thing is when a friendship falls to pieces over the smallest wee thing. Teen and adult friendships can be broken beyond repair, but in nursery fights would be resolved with a hug and a kiss, and then we would all play on the playground for hours like nothing had happened. This is one of the many reasons I respect children highly.. they are so forgiving, so innocent and so beautiful. They are our future, and however underrated and badly treated they are, I will always be the one to harbour utmost respect for them.

Friendships are so fragile and precious, and I live in constant fear of my friendships falling apart. Something so beautiful and delicate is easy to break, and some people do not understand this. I will never take my friendships for granted as I know I am incredibly lucky to have them. My friends bring me endless joy and laughs, there is no other people I would like to spend my life with. They bring colour to my black and white world and make me smile even on my darkest day.

memories are precious little things

Memories play a very important part in life as we know it, whether they help us in the future or just aid us in telling stories to our grandchildren around the fire. Memories are created every day; the cutest baby we have ever seen, our friend cracking a hilarious joke and our first kiss are all things we wish were imprinted in our minds forever, captured in our hearts and pinned on a little corkboard in our memory. We want to capture them and never let them go – almost like trapping an insect inside of a glass jar and screwing the lid on extra tight. The insect doesn’t flourish or change, it stays exactly the same just like our precious memories.

The earliest memory I have is when I was three years old. It was a sunny summer’s day and I was sitting with my mother in our living room on my tiny plastic play chairs. Our family friend walked through the open door, cheerily said hello and ruffled my hair as he always did. It’s remembering things like this that make me love life; so many people go out of their way to make other people’s lives better and easier. Every time we saw our friend he would ruffle my hair, and still does it occasionally today. It takes me back to the happy and carefree life I had as a toddler, and reminds me of the easy friendships that were made and hours spent giggling and laughing over the silliest things. It is only now that I realise how much of a nuisance I must have been to my parents – laughing nonstop and squealing to my heart’s content. But I didn’t know any better; it was my way of expressing my love for the world and things around me, my appreciation of nature, love, friendships and colours. Memories of my childhood have changed the way I view the world today, as I realise that even though it is filled with corruption, deceit and sin there are good people in the world. I have realised that children are our future, and if we treat them with love and respect they will grow up to be valuable members of society with a positive outlook on life.

As humans, we are all naturally nomadic and restless, always moving from place to place and never settling for long. We always look towards the next milestone in life, the next “big thing”, the next birthday, tomorrow. While we focus on the future, who will focus on today? As amazing things are happening in your life, take the time to enjoy them. Savour them like you would the last piece of chocolate on Earth – don’t wolf it down, nibble it slowly, enjoying every bite. Do your best to capture these moments in your heart and memory, you’ll never get them back.

teenage lust

The thing with teenagers is that we instantly fall for a guy/girl, mostly of the common factor of looks. I truly dislike seeing a really handsome guy on the t.v/movies/streets etc. and knowing that i will never be able to know them, or even have the opportunity to talk to them. Girls, especially if we see a guy that has all the factors that we like, we instantly like to say that we are in love. Of course thats not true.

Love can be lust, especially if you don't know the person. Love is a really strong word and i do regret saying to people when i genuine had to feeling for them. To me, if a guy tells me that he loves me, it would have been awkward not to say it back, but these days ive really changed . I stand up for my opinion and stick up for what i believe in. What really annoys me is new couples that have got together for only a couple of days, and they insist that they are in love with each other. Personally to me, that's just lust. Love and lust are two very different issues, but they are often mistaken for each other. I guess what im trying to say is that many people might think and believe that they are in love, when really they might not have any feelings for each other at all. And at the end of the day, someone ends up getting hurt.

imperfect is the new perfect

Everytime I want to write about my life, i always end up earsing and editing a lot of the things. I've tried many many times before to write a short story about my life but i never really had the chance to be able to finish, and look back at it. This is proberly because i regret a lot of things that i have done in the past. Even though im still young, i have so many regrets. Looking back at them, I actually think to myself " WOW, was that really me?"

Life's a battle, and to victorise this battle I need two things, Faith and Courage. Over the last year i've really noticed a change in myself, my friends, my family. Its just the nature and noture of things I guess. The point is no matter how hard i try to win the battle, something is always stopping me. Okay that was a really bad example. It's just that i try so hard to be what people want me to be, and to act like someone im not that im envolving to be something which i have never even thought about. I like indie/rock kind of music, I Love the colour black, i love the rocky sense of fashion, i love peircings and tatoo's, converses, skinny jeans, science. This is how i am, and im just beginning to show. I'm also a Christian, and looking back these years i haven't really acted like one. I've said and done things which i deeply regret. The point im trying to make is that everyone is different. Different taste in fashion/music/food/faith/religion etc etc. And we should be appreciated because of all our properties, we shouldnt try to be something that we are not just for the sake of pleasing people. You can't please everyone, the most important people in your life that you should be pleasing are the ones you love.

faith is what keeps us strong,

A moment of silliness can become a lifelong memory

One quick decision all it takes for something amazing happen. Tonight when i was sitting on the dinning room table I started to think about all the things that i have always wanted to do, but never had the chance. Weirdly enough one of those things was to draw faces on my chin and take picture of it. I am a chin-face. I sat there for a while, pondering the thought before speaking aloud: “Hey, you know what I want to do?.. Wait, how hard is it to get vivid off your face?” Thankfully, my friend accepts and appreciates my uniqueness, and this simple idea turned into a makeshift photo shoot that ended up being a night of fun and hysterical laughter.

yes i know im weird :)

my children will do it differently

We have all heard the stories from our parents " When i was your age we had to ... " " When i was your age.." you get my drift. But my all time favourite " When i was your age we wouldn't talk to our parents like that ".

Nowadays we have so many different uses of media and technology that weren't available when our parents were our age. Mobile Phones, Pay T.V, the internet etc. were not yet introduced to the society, and they had no idea what the future had in store for them. Little did they know that they were going to enter a world defined by media and technology. I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and what it holds for me. And it scares me, the whole growing up being someone, getting married having kids :') it sounds silly now, but as most people know that time flies by. And the most important thing that scares me is what will the world up to before i am a parent? I've always wanted to meet the perfect guy, get married have kids and be able to watch them grow up. Although its still really early to be thinking about these things sometimes my mind just tends to wonder off. I can only imagine the future when my family sit around the table teaching our children about the olden days.

My children might ask me what television was like, and why our cars went so slow. They might ask me why Marijuana was illegal and why people got put into prison for murder. They will ask me why the drinking ages was eighteen. I know the world is going to be advanced in many different and positive ways ( hopefully anyway) but there will also be some negative aspects. can imagine crime becoming more prominent in society, and young children disrespecting their parents quite freely and openly. Swear words will be incorporated into the English language and will no longer be “taboo”.

ll I can do now is sit and wait to see what the future holds… Actually that’s not true. I can change it. We all can.

paradise.

the greatest things happen at night

I think i have discovered the reason why all these rushing thoughts and heighted emotions occur in bed at night.- its because it the only time during our day that we truly have to be ourselves. Our days are filled with pleasing others, ensuring our work is done to the correct standard, commuting and putting on a brave face to the world. We never truly have a moment to be ourselves untill we are in bed at night.

My best writing happens at two or three in the morning, when I write a post and then save it as a draft to edit in the morning. The truth is, these late night posts hardly ever need much editing as writing is so amazing if it is done at the right time. It is the only moment which feels mull over my thoughts and think about the days happenings, and in doing this i am often inspired.

Armed with a mug of tea and a hot water bottle, I will settle down on the laptop or computer in bed and either begin to write an essay about one of my subjects, or more likely a post for my blog. I have numerous drafts saved which i have started but never had the time to finish them.

Until then, don’t let your thoughts carry you into the wee hours too much. You need to be bright and well-rested to face the day ahead!

The essence of happiness begins within

I have often been told that i am the happiest person people have met., and I don't think I'm even close. why? because i don't even try.


My life is filled with magnificent things- the amazing lord, great friends/family, an amazing home and a wonderful closet full of clothes which i love. My cupboard is hardly ever short of my currant addicts of lemon and ginger green tea, and even though I'm nearly always loaded with homework i feel blessed to be receiving an education at all. A friend recently moved here from Thor hometown, as her parents wanted to give her and her brother a cleaner, safer environment to learn and grow in. I Mosley have almost lived in Cardiff my whole life, taking its safeness and beauty all for granted. #


As Ive gotten older, I've realized that all it takes is a simple yet charming smile to change someones day completely around. I am starting to live by the motto ' be nicer than necessary, because everyone you know is fighting some kind of Battle'. It might not make sense to many people but it seems to me that this is how people tend to live their lives. Were always fighting against something, we might not even be aware of it. complicated yes? Happiness is not something that comes easy, it takes time and effort. It's okay to be sad sometimes just remember that happiness comes from within it comes from you being happy with yourself and not what people think about you :)
peace xxx