all grown up

Well isn't this weird..
coming back onto blogger after 2 years? I've kind of missed this if I'm honest. so much has happened. where to start? well first of all im not 15 anymore, im 18.. WOHOOO! exciting stuff.
Ive grown so much, reading back on my old posts i don't even remember the old me. I don't know whether its a good thing or a bad thing.

These past two years have been hectic, I feel like a brand new person -cheesy music-. Ive really grown up and matured as scary as that sounds. I have a feeling that this is going to be an extremely long post. First year of college was crazy. It was probably the saddest/ most negative part of my life so far. I started college thinking that it was going to be amazing, during the summer I had met so many people, I felt like I belonged somewhere. Considering I was from Cathays High School, and no one knew me it sort of went crazy, suddenly people knew of me. At first I enjoyed, I was meeting new friends new connections, people knew who I was. This is was defiantly because I spent the whole summer before it socialising and going to shisha bars, and since cardiff is the smallest place and everyone knows each other i suppose thats how I got to know so many people.

So during the summer I was speaking to this guy not mentioning names. In my eyes then he was amazing, the most kind and considerate person I had come across. So I started seeing him, to my mistake seeing him sort of made me get into a relationship with him. It was so quick and so hectic, I felt like I was trapped, that when he asked me to be his girlfriend I felt like i couldn't say no. Stupid right?!
One night when I met him with and my other friends I ended up catching a taxi home, in the taxi I met this other guy. Instantly I fell for him, as bad as it sounds because obviously at that point I had a boyfriend. After coming home, I couldn't stop thinking about him, for like about 2 weeks he was all I could think about. Not knowing his name, where he was from? how old he was, i just felt attached to him in a weird sort of way. Suddenly one night on facebook my friend uploaded a picture of me, and there he was commenting with friends that they had met me in a taxi.

So then yannow we started speaking, and i soon realised that I was with someone that I had no feelings for. I did not care for him at all, and hearing some of the stuff that he had said about him, well it completely put me off and decided to break things off. I was just so into this guy. Not gonna go into details but i ended up with the new guy ( not naming names). He was amazing, I felt like this was it. This is who i am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Everything with us worked, I felt like we were made for each. he made me feel so safe and secure, like when i was with him nothing in the world mattered. I soon ended up falling out with friends him being part of the reason, and my best friend. Not gonna go into detail because that's something that im really sensitive about.

I was with this guy for about a year, I lost my viriginty to him. To me he was the man that i was supposed to spend the rest of my life. I spent so much time with him and our relationship that i completely failed my exams, something that is not normal for me because im really smart. (not bragging). Thing with me and him didn't work out.

So now here I am, in bed writing this blog. Kind of pointless because no one is going to read it. but i feels nice talking about everything! im finally happy

IM BACCCCCK!

oh my God it has been too too too long since I wrote a post. I MISSS THIS! I miss babbling on and complaining about my terrible life aha :')! i am really really SORRY for not paying attention to this blog - it has been a crazy couple of weeks and I have been enjoying every single bit of it.
Expect this blog to be a really big one since i am going to tell you guys about eveerything that has happened over the last couple of weeks. ahh goodness where to start?!?! there is just so muchhhh! i have had a roller coaster of emotions, and i have had some of the best adventures and experiences with people that I ADORE. okayy so lets start with PROM. at first i wasnt that keen on going to prom - well i mean i was at first because ella ( best fwend) was supposed to come but a bunch of my other friends had decided that they didnt want to go to prom and they were going to do something else when prom was going on. so one of my friends aqsa decided that she was going to have all of the girls over her house and they would all hang out - for some reason that didn't happen. by then my mum had made me change my mind and persuaded me to go to prom  - at first i was really mad because it made me angry that i was going to prom by myself - my mum was like forcing it on me?! well none of my other friends were going so of course i dont want to go either, i dont want to go there having a terrible and boring time because no one of my other friends were there. so i went around several shops with her and I finally bought a dress which i thought was decent  - i didnt really bother because it wasnt that important to me at that time - considering that fact that i was still mad at my mum for persuading me to. not to mention a week before prom so everyone had bought their dressed shoes and everything and i still havent found a dress. i really didnt want to go at all. ( I  JUST OPENED MY WINDOW RIGHT OPEN BECAUSE IT IS SO HOT IN MY ROOM NOT TO MENTION I JUST HAD A CUP OF TEA) annnnnywaaay so then i bought a dress and all in all it went well - i ended up going to prom and having a brilliant time although it would have been more fun if my close friends were coming but they didnt want to. the music was hilarious but the food was disgusting. they went all posh and decided that we would have some gross food to be honest i would have been fine with a bucket of KFC chicken - but nooooooo. and then AMERICA came along it was the most amazing time of my life. it was the most beautiful country in the whole wide world - the people are so friendly and nice and everything you could ever want was there! i am so going to live there. i went to Vegas,Utah Arizona and LA. beautiful places. i got to meet and become friends with an amazing amount of people, its something that i am goingi to always remember for the rest of my life. i went to ST davids for my open day and it was ok. im looking forward to going there in september there were a lot of hotties. aha :L
i really should be going to sleep i have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.
p xx

FMYLIFE.

lol. i dont even know why i am writing on here, its pointless and its not going to make any senses what so ever. these couple of days have been so stressful and hard and sad and worrying and angry and just a mixture of all my stupid emotions put together. i dont even know how i should feel. me and my mum got in a HUGE im not even exaggerating HUGE. MASSIVE. argument because of something that is happening with my passport. basically as i have wrote before i am leaving for america in 9 days, and two days ago my stupid mother decided that she was going to put heat protector in the same draw as my passport, it then was leaking and my whole passport is ruined. this means that i am now going to be paying 150 pounds for a new one, that i will get on thursday. she was trying to blame it on me, HOW? how is it my fault?! my passport has been there forever how can you be so fucking stupid and put heat protector in the same stupid draw. i am so angry and mad right now i dont know what to do with myself. today in the sociology exam i was trying to smile and be confident but it was so hard, i felt like tearing the paper apart and start crying my eyes out. half way through the exam i was tearing up and i think one of the boys next to me could see, it was so embarressing but i could not help it what so ever .habbiba was talking to me, and making sure i was Ok which was so sweet of her, walkign to school with her today i was ranting a little bit which helped. I just wish my mum would see that its not my fault, its her fault - i understand that she is my  mother but why are you going through my stuff, its an invasion of privacy, the only privacy I have. Secondly why on earth would you put HEAT PROTECTOR in my document drawer. and then you are blaiming me?! why cant she see it in my point of view instead of being so big headed and rude to me. she hasnt spoken or even looked at me ever since the argument, tomorrow im going shopping for shoes for prom and getting my eyebrows done, something that i should be doing with my mum. i didnt even want to go to prom anymore but i was kinda of convinced by her because she knows my sister would never go, she wanted at least one of her daughters to go to prom as a way to remember high school. the thing that hurt the MOST is when she told my sister that she doesnt even care if i look good for prom, it doesnt mean anything to her anymore. after she said that I could not stop crying. i sound and look pathetic but can you blaim me? this is my mother i am talking about, a person who has brought me up in the world and has raised me, why is she being so rude and horrible. I FEEL LIKE IM MOANING AND SOUNDING LIKE AN IDIOT, SO IM GOING TO SHUT UP AND GO HIDE IN MY ROOM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. GR8

summer

The more i think about the summer, the more excited I get. cannot wait to get these stupid exams over and done with, im going america, im spending the summer with my friends, and i am going thailand. what more could a person want? im really in the mood to be talking right now, just because it gives me a reason not to revise for sociology tomorrow. 
 

dont try and be something your not.

it pisses me off so much when people act like something they're not. show your own personality. dont copy others. 
- it just makes a person ugly.

this is has just become a pointless hobby

to be honest I actually have no idea why I bother writing on here. at first it was like a place for me, my thoughts and shit. but now i just cant be bothered, i dont know whether its because of exams or the fact that I am spending so much time having fun with my friends, but blogger has become dull and boring for me. I want to write about something which is really interesting not just writing about my personal life and what I do on a daily basis. Because i really dont like that, i mean why would someone come on my blog and want to read about my life and what I do everyday, im sure they would much rather prefer if I wrote about something that has a meaning, a kind of parable i guess. meeh i dont know, im so tired and stressed, and confused. my school yet again have decided to fuck up my exam times, i dont know what time my exams start at all, and the teachers are no help at all, all they seem to do is make me more and more confused. I CANNOT WAIT to get out of that shit hole, goodbye everything and everyone. Everyday when i walk into school for my exams, the feeling at looking at Cathays just makes me bored. its the most dull and boring place ever, the people (my friends) are the only exciting thing about it. to be honest it looks more like a prison cell. I got my camera back which feels amazing, they have cleaned it properly and gave me a new lense, so i was a very happy bunny. I have to go back to revising I.C.T and Sociology and Media. aaaaaaaaaagh some one kill me now?
 

so stressed

I have two maths exams, a history, welsh and R.E and science this week and i am not ready at all! espically for maths and science, im freaking out because i know im going to to bad and be so upset on results day, ive revised and revised but some of the things on there are so hard. and i am going camping in a few hours which means i have to spend my whole time revising and not enjoying myself, which is going to be so hard.
AHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO D:!